Friends vs. Judges

Friends don't judge and Judges aren't friends.  I was reminded of that statement tonight when after a long day at IKEA my friend Zach said, "No judgements tonight, not a single judgement, agreed?" as we sat down at Sweet Tomatoes for an all you can eat suburban buffet.  Zach was right, friends do not judge. We as friends may not approve or perhaps know better, but friends do not judge friends. 

In my years of  being a "super friend" as Ben calls me,  I can state without hesitation that I am honest, sincere, loyal and  non-judgemental.  Be clear non-judgemental does not mean I approve, it means I am still your friend, and when the situation blows up (as bad situations often do) I will be there to comfort my friend and I never say, "I told you so".  Oh, there are exceptions for sure, breaking the law, hurting people and animals are never tolerated, but my friends do not partake in those activites.  I don't know what I would do if they did, but I know they have not until now.

The man of my dreams, Mark, introduced me to the "Idaho 5000" concept early in our relationship. He had at the time 5 friends he called his Idaho 5000.  Mark told me that these 5 people in his life, he could call or they could call him and all they had to say was; "I am stranded in Idaho and I need $5,000" and he would get them the money, "no questions asked", he said.  Unconditional friendship, WOW!  In a conditional world that is quite a leap of faith for friendship everywhere. 

Then there is Grant, a great guy, a good friend.  Grant had a tough summer, thanks to a bad break-up and to say the least. I stood by him no matter what came.  Grant was the first friend I saw experience what I call the Tsunami of emotions.  I heard all there was to hear, I heard it over and over again.  Then one day, I needed to talk something out.  Let's say Grant had an adverse reaction to the change in roles and our telephone conversation did not end well.  I clearly in the wrong, defriended him on my FB account and we sent each other some tart texts and emails.  This New Year's day after having no contact for almost 4 months, he sent me a text wishing me a great 2010.  Grant followed that text up with a communication to Mark offering to help us move--Friends do not help friends move--but that is another post.  I realized about a week later that enough was enough and that Grant was a great guy and a good friend, and "I" deserved him in my life.  How lucky was I that he reached out to me on two separate occasions.  I could not wait any longer.  I reached out to him and we agreed to meet at Starbucks (where else?) Oh, I guess it took about 20 minutes max and we were laughing at each other, but more importantly laughing at others.  Friends do take leave of absences, those breaks they can be very invigorating and serve to make the friendship stronger.  But if you don't miss the friend, don't reach out, or don't reach back if they reach out to you.