Really? Goldman Sachs, doing God's work? Ah, NOT!

January 18, 2010 I blogged about Goldman Sach's CEO Llyod Blankenfein audacity of saying that his 2009 - $43,000,000  compensation was because he was "just a banker doing God's work". I stated he was just an arrogant blow hard and henceforth undeserving of a $43,000,000 payday after being bailed out by Federal government less than tweleve months before his payday.

On Friday, April 16th the SEC filed a complaint against Goldman Sachs for securities fraud in relation to an investment the firm touted and recommended to their clients.  Here is the story in a nutshell.  A client, John Paulson, no relation to Hank Paulson (former Secty of Treasury and CEO of Goldman Sachs) asked Goldman Sachs to help him SELL some pools of mortgages (this means he is betting on the mortgage pools dropping in value). Mr. Paulson being the smart guy that he is, already knew which specific pools of mortgages he wanted to bet on going down.  So Goldman Sachs had to fine a buyer for the same specific mortgage pools Mr. Paulson wanted to sell.  Goldman Sachs packaged the mortgages in an investment fund and sold it to their best clients.  In the disclosure, Goldman Sachs disclosed to the clients that the specific mortgage pools were selected by an "unbiased neutral 3rd party", well Mr. Paulson was not unbiased nor neutral.  If Goldman Sachs had actually told their best clients that Mr. Paulson had selected the securities for them to buy, because he was betting they would go down, the buyers would never have gone alone with the investment.  See Mr. Paulson is one of most successful hedge fund managers on the planet. Mr. Paulson is as well known as Warren Buffet on Wall Street.   Be assured that Mr. Paulson did not do anything wrong as he was not involved in misleading the Goldman Sachs clients.

Why would Goldman Sachs do this? Goldman Sachs star 31year old banker charged Mr. Paulson $15 Million fee and charged the Goldman Sachs clients another $15 Million for putting the deal together.  I think they call this strategy, tit for tat.  Fast forward about 12-18 months after Goldman Sachs recommended the pool of mortgages to their best clients, Mr. Paulson's bet on the mortgaes paid off to the tune of just over $1 Billion.  The Golman Sachs clients? They lost about $1 Billion, Goldman Sachs giveth and Goldman Sachs taketh away.

Be assured Goldman Sachs loses this round with the SEC and Goldman Sachs will assuredly reimburse the clients the lost monies of $1 Billion and pay penalties of 3 times or an additional $3 Billion for a total of $4 Billion.  So to the CEO of Goldman Sachs, you arrogant blow hard you and your people are not doing God's work, Santan's work  yes, God's work NO!

"AN ATTACK ON THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE", by Larry King

I for one never understood the Karl Rove argument that two gay men or two lesbians getting marriage rights was an ATTACK ON MARRIAGE.  For years I touted Elizabeth Taylor and Britney Spears as the avengers on marriage.  My thought was if you wanted to protect marriage, just illegalize DIVORCE.  As a former adulterer I do not advocate stoning adulterers. I think stoning is messy and a lot of work, I would opt for a short stint in sexual rehab, that seems to be all the rage.

This morning I awoke to the news that the sanctity of marriage has a new attacker a virtual General Sherman marching on Atlanta, 77year old Larry "I have been married 8times" King.  Good Grief!  People this man's attack on the sanctity of marriage must be stopped at all expense.  This man makes Elizabeth  "I have been married 8times and going on my 9th" Taylor look conventional.  Larry King actually makes Rudolph "I have been married 4times-oops! the mistress in Gracie Mansion" Guiliani look like the saint at the alter.

Let's stop the nonsense and limit marriage to 3 marriages.  I figure if by the 3rd time you have not figured it out , then you should just limit yourself to one-night stands, escorts or a massages with a happy ending. Please spare your friend the indignity of another "wedding" and do the honorable thing and stay single.

It's about the attitude.

I know a man named Richard. I know him socially, I am not in his circle of friends, but he is very friendly towards me.  Richard is (almost) 32 and has been on his own since he was 16.  Richard is the kindest, most positive, friendliest.  Frankly I do not know a person who has been dealt a worse hand, but you would not know it from meeting Richard.  He teaches Spinning and other classes at my gym, and I am a fan of his, but not a groupie, he has plenty of those.  Perhaps when one of his groupies move or change gyms there will be room for me.

I want to tell you that Richard is so positive, so remarkable, so fun and funny that today at a 10:00am Sunday morning spin class he brought paper rabbit ears that he made for the entire class.  I know I looked frumpy not wearing them, the entire class wore them during a 60 minute spin class.  I left the class with 10 minutes to go, and that darn Richard had to say, "Bye Charlie Rabbit, class say, Bye Charlie Rabbit".  Of course Richard is a leader among people, so the class yelled as I left, "Bye Charlie Rabbit", a tad embarassing.  But I had a plan, I did not wear them in class because I wanted them for later.  I put them on when I left the gym and people laughed, and smiled.  A nice lady came up to me at Starbucks and thanked me for wearing them.  She said, "you with those ears have made me smile bigger and wider than anything today, thank you young man".  I immediately thought, "Richard made this happen". 

I want say, I think Richard is the real Easter Bunny. 

The Conservative Entitlement Mentality

Everyone is familiar with the  "entitlement mentality", typically referred to in teenage children or young adults.  Our friend (Emmy award winning news reporter) Glenn is in town for the weekend and he shed some light on a different type of "entitlement mentality".  I call it entitlement mentality of the "conservative" kind, frankly I think its the worst type.  When I listen to white male blow hards, admittedly reminded of my former father-in-law, I see their. "conservative entitlement mentality".  These white men just think that they are entitled to the status quo because that is the way it should be.  It is almost like they think, "Hey I waited my turn, it's  my freaking turn to have my hand on the rudder of this great country". 

I listen to Rush Limbaugh, until my ears bleed (never more than 20 minutes) I watch Fox News until Mark comes in the room and says, "No!  Not that again".  I'm intrigued by Sarah Palin, the Liza Minnelli of the political world.  All these people have the "conservative entitlement mentality" they are so self sure that things are the way they should be BECAUSE they have (please insert-shameless reason); it's a way of life, it's God's will, it is the way of the American people, it's called pulling yourself up from your boot straps, and my personal favorite reason, "because we have fought for this freedom".  Our friend Glenn pointed out to me that all these folks were simply, "dropped from a vagina in the right place" and hence their entitlement.

I want to see I do not agree with Senator McCain, but I respect him as an American who fought, suffered and has tried to do better for his country.  Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Ann Colter, Sarah Palin, etc... not so much but I am glad they landed on their respective targets when dropped from their vagina.  The people I respect and love the most are the most caring, understanding and non-judmental people I have met, yes they happen to be called Liberals, not of the political persuation kind.  Liberals of the non-entitlement mentality kind.  These Liberals, my friends, help people, love people, accept people and know they have worked hard but have been lucky, fortunate and/or blessed.

Happy Easter!

First Impressions are only the first impression!

"You only get one chance to make a good impression", fair enough of a comment, but really doesn't mean much.  I have a new friend Ruben. We met thru a mutual friend and the gigantic personality of Monique, not the black Oscar winning Mo'nique, this Monique is the  Latina Comedy Diva and very funny and insightful friend.  I was in Monique's hotel room when Ruben came in to join us for dinner.  We had a glass of wine before we left for dinner. I thought Ruben was the gay man's answer to Nicole Kidman.  I found him to be stiff, pretentious, and standoff-ish, a complete and unadulterated blow hard was my initial diagnosis.   My response? Like you do to warts, to freeze  him out.  I know you don't think Cubans can issue a deep freeze but trust me this Cuban can drop temperatures faster than liquid Nitrogen.

The next day, Monique asked me to join her and Ruben for coffee at the hotel terrace.  I dreaded the waste of  "time".  Monique in her own way made Ruben and I talk, as if we were talking to her, but these were stories she already knew. Monique wanted us to hear each other.  It worked, Ruben actually thawed out, I really enjoyed hearing his stories and he actually enjoyed hearing mine.

I then Facebooked Ruben, and although he lives in California and there are 2 time zones between us, we have had very authentic, funny and memorable chats.  Ruben single handedly showed me that first impressions are just that, a first impression.

Homos are a HANDFUL

Yes!  I know that sounds dirty, it was meant to sound that way.  Homos are funny people, partly because we had to be quick witted to scare off the jocks, and all those that were a threat.  Also as Mark would say, "it keeps the stupid people away".  Homos are warm and inviting friends because we have felt the rejection of others, and would not wish that rejection on others, well except those with; bad shoes, women with mullets wearing flannel and dry weddings.

People that are what I call "Homophilic", homo-loving/accepting, feel that their "homos" are immune to life tragedies and especially life's judgement errors because they have already overcome what had to be the worst in life.  This is NOT true! My experience is that my sisters under the rainbow-not to be confused with the Rev Jesse Jackson's Rainbow Coalition-are not any more immune to "bad judgement or self imposed tragedy/drama" than the next fraternity horrifically straight non showered beer belching jock.  I believe that HIV/AIDS made that incredibly obvious to all of us.  Whether you love or just know a homo, just know that they are prone and maybe even predisposed to life and all its tragic consequences. 

Just love your homo, they will love you back. Just be honest to your homo, they will return the favor.  Don't expect more from your homo than you expect from your favorite horrifically straight person, that way you will never be disappointed and homos will always surprise you, just ask Liza Minnelli.

" With a little help from my friends"

The following are some of the things I have learned "with a little help from my friends";

Mark - "Read between the lines"--he means to hear what is not being said.

Tom - "The lady thou protest too strongly"--along with giving me the book Blink to read.

Janet - "Just be nice, patient and things get better", amazingly she lives this way every day.

Audrey - "You don't have to leave your children everything, others  have greater needs."

Handry - "Physical beauty is only 1 of 10 criteria to be a beautiful person."

David - " A "No" in business just means "not yes today".

Dan - "Everyone can offer you something to grow on and being yourself makes it easier to know who your friends are"

Richard - "Don't feel sorry for yourself, live your life and the good people will follow."

Dick - "People come into and out of money, and so do friends in your life."

James and Ashley - "Do what you want for others, but don't expect anything back."

Homos are a HOOT!

Neil Patrick Harris, NPH aka Doogie Houser MD, is a HOOT.  First of all, his current show, "How I Met Your Mother" is really good, I hope it's in its last season (if you watch it you know why).  NPH plays the role of "Barney Stetson" a manwhore, there I said it.  He is brilliant in adding humor and credibility to the role of a homosexual playing a hetrosexual with hormones raging.

Last Sunday at the 82nd Academy Awards, NPH performed an engaging and funny number. In  his number, he sings, "Why does a prisoner drop his soap? Because no one wants to do it alone.".  All in reference to his hosting in the past but having to do it alone.  He was really funny when he sang, " the best pair since Dolly Parton".  See homosexuals are really funny because they do not care what people think.  The journey thru one's own sexual orientation even with the most wonderfully supportive parents is the emotional equivalent of marching barefoot thru waist high crunchy peanut butter.  With that in mind, you can see why we (us homosexuals) are funny, caustic and sweet.  We are funny because when you are genuine, honest and comfortable in your own skin. One is caustic when the hurt real, perceived, self inflicted or inflicted by others is too much to overcome.  Another theory of mine is that the conversation or circumstances resurrects the hurt. In order to exorcise the hurt--caustic comments bubble up.  The sweetness comes from our empathy for women. Why?  After being taunted, ridiculed and being dumped by and on by hetrosexual men, we love our gal pals.

When a homosexual is being funny, listen to the story, listen to the emotions, listen to the delivery.  You are getting a rich, insightful, and genuine insight laden commentary.  Don't let the humor fool you, homos are a hoot.  Oh yeah, but don't cross one, they can see in the dark. 

"Is there a guest list I could review?", asked Romeo.

"Is there a guest list I could review?", that is what my former friend asked.  This person after being invited to our home for brunch, an invitation he solicited, asked if there was an Evite he could see.  I admit I was confused as to why he thought there was an Evite at all. My partner Mark was vocal and on point when I read him the text, as was my insightful and vertically challenged friend Dan Lias.  Dan interupted me told me where the story was going and how it would end with uncanny accuracy. Dan explained that Romeo was like Larry Bird, yes the basketball player.  Larry Bird said, in an interview years ago, that when on the court he constantly thought where the ball should be in 2-3 passes. Dan explained to me that Romeo was the gay man version of Larry Bird on the court of gay courtship.  Romeo just wanted to be invited so he could attempt to get the ball (excuse the pund) passed to him and hopefully score with Mr. Right  and/or Mr. RightNow.

Romeo after soliciting and obtaining the invitation, he confirmed his attendance, asked if he could bring something and confirmed that he would bring it. Romeo after requesting a guest list to look over and me not giving him one (it was brunch with 9 people in totality) there was no list to give and he would not know any of the other  6 guests.  Mark was very vocal, "What? A guest list? Who does he think he is Oprah? And I'd like to point out, he is not all that!".  Well Romeo did not attend the brunch, he never called, texted or emailed. Dan assures me that had I given him the names, Romeo would have Facebook=ed my friends to see if they met his standards or would peak his interest.   I guess not being able to visualize the pass caused him to pass on the brunch.

Well I can visualize the next pass now, I shall pass him along to another player.

Enough with the scruffy look! Enough already!

Here in Chicago most of the guys run around with what I call the scruffy face look.  Look, I understand you cannot shave everyday, but not for 3-5 days during the work week? Really?  So I want to be very specific as to who I think can carry off the scruffy face look.  Please note that you might not know everyone, but be assured that these guys can carry it off.

Scruffy Face is allowed on;
1.  Tom Ford--if you do not know him, please do not read my blog
2.  Zach Hayes--Manager of Todd Hase at the Merchandise Mart and my good friend
3.  Evan Lysacek--Vancover 2010 Gold Medal winner and the only male figure skater to make it look masculine
4.  Bradley Cooper--of the movie "Hangover" fame, and soon to be Mr. Renee Zellweger and  Zach Hayes (2) look alike
5.  Nate Berkus--Oprah and Gayle's boy toy, this pains me to admit
6. Adam Levine--lead singer for Maroon5, granted he would look great in a burlap burka
7. The hot guy in scrubs at my gym, who I refer to as Dr. McScruffy

I reserve the right to add or even delete (yes you Nate) men as I think of them or if they are nominated by people I like, respect and desire to include them in my blog.  To all those other everyone else please cop a shave especially if you are going to work.

The following white and Latino men cannot carry off the Scruffy face look, please stop doing it and just freaking shave;

1. Tom Cruise
2. Mark Anthony
3. Leonardo DiCaprio
4. Phillip Seymor Hoffman
5. Michael Buble
6. Brad Pitt
7. Emilio Estevez
8. James Garrido

ASingle Man, Produced, Adapted for Screen and Directed by Tom Ford

Tom Ford is a genius, there I said it.  I hope he is happy too.  This movie; A Single Man is magnificient and will stand the test of time in many categories it is a CLASSIC.  I highly encourage you to see it.  If you don't like it I will give you back your money, just send the ticket stub to me.  Please don't get anything to eat or drink you don't want to miss a thing.  The movie is 1 hours 39 minutes and it will appear to be slow until the end sneeks up on you.  The movie is not slow, it is rich, the visual images are layed one on top of the other like a fashion photoshoot. Tom Ford may not have held the camera but his fingerprints are all over the lens.

A Single Man is adapted for the screen by Tom Ford, produced by Tom Ford and directed by Tom Ford.  All of these are his debute, the same Texan who was a football player, model and Creative Director for Gucci. Clearly he knows his stuff!  Did I mention he is a Texan?  He is my proof that people can reinvent themselves and yes a leopard can change his spots (if the spots want to change).  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1315981/

The cast is solid; Colin Firth (who looks amazing, eventhough he is British), Julianne Moore (who always looks amazing) Michael Goode and Nicholas Hoult (more on him later).  The movie is about an English professor, Colin Firth,  in Los Angeles during the Cuban Missile Crisis that tries to go on with his day after the sudden death of his partner, Michael Goode.  The best friend Charly (no I spell it with an "ie") is brilliantly played by Julianne Moore. The protanogist, Kenny played by Nicholas Hoult keeps things interesting to say the least. 

I read that Tom Ford spoke to Colin Firth about this role, and told him and I am paraphazing, " You are a gorgeous man, but you would look better if you lost 25pounds". And Tom Ford was right, Coling Firth has never looked or been better.  Apparently Julianne Moore and Tom Ford are besties, and I can see why.
The new kid on the block is Nicholas Hoult, and he is going places.  First of all the camera loves him.  He is as solid an actor as he could be as a model.

A poem, Richard Cory by Edwin Arlington Robinson

My good friend Tom Hofstetter sent me this poem after reading my last post.  As always, Tom is on point and continues to prove to be the best read person I know.

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich—yes, richer than a king,
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.


Thank you Tommy for sharing this!

Happy counts, and it counts for a lot!

This week Alexander McQueen, a 40 year old British design SUPERSTAR killed himself. The tragedy of living without him has just started for his family,  and friends.  Then for those who he inspired and  affected,  like my dear friend Handry Martinez Velasco, the tremendous void of talent and mentorship has just revealed itself. 

I have always known what I am about to write, but it amazes me that not everyone seems to know this. Why I have known this is unclear to me, the knowledge has just been instinctual.  Maybe it was because I was so unhappy as a child and young adult, maybe I am just smart in this way. 

I have always wished upon one star, the star of Happiness.  I know that if you are happy, really happy, success does not matter and by success I mean  the accolades and  million dollar bonuses.  If you are happy, really happy, health is secondary.  Yes of course success and health are great to have but they do not trump happiness.  I do not pretend to know why Mr. McQueen took his life, I just know he was not happy. I know he was successful, and filthy rich.  Happiness eluded  him whether real or perceived, organic or situational, happiness eluded him and he took his own life.

For all my friends I wish them happiness first and foremost, then good health and then success.  I wish for my children which struggle with the typical young adolescent issues, happiness first. After they are really happy, all else will come in good moderation, in stride and when they are ready to recieve it.

Sometimes you have to meet the other person halfway.

This morning a wise man  said something that stuck with me like a big bowl of oatmeal.  He said, "Charlie, sometimes people just have to meet halfway".  "Brilliant!", I thought to myself.  But Tom Hofstetter is a whole more brilliant than he is dim.

During our journey thru life with friends, spouses, life partners (if getting married is illegal) and CHILDREN people just have to meet halfway when the relationship is strained.   I have decided that halfway is 2 stomach flips or twists.  I find that the first stomach twist is to let you know you have started to head in the right direction down the halfway ramp.  The second stomach twist will serve you even better. Initially to confirm that you  are still  headed in the right direction and  then to give you "self amnesty".  That feeling that you have done all you could do, and you did enough to feel the discomfort.

Just because you come halfway, it does not mean that the other person will either meet you halfway or that the person is going to accept your overture or efforts.  The key here is for you to feel that you did everything you could do, and your stomach twists, turns or flips is proof that you did that very thing.  People are human, and humans are not perfect.  I like thinking I did all I could do, then a bit more, that makes me feel comfortable and at peace. If the relationship mends, I promise you will feel greater satisfaciton because you went the  extra stomach twist.

Anderson Cooper does a 360 and becomes Geraldo Rivera

Anderson Cooper who Kathy Griffin is fond of saying, "Covered Katrina in Prada" is now in Haiti and probably in Crocs. The Hottie McJournalist Cooper is without a doubt an accomplished journalist.  I was just watching his show this evening, AC 360, and I was shocked at what I heard.  Cooper said and I qoute, "Security concerns are overblown" as it relates to securing the envoys of supplies from the airport to the points of service.  I am taken out that this hard working, successful journalist would think it is within his purview to over-reach and put in doubt the judgemnet of the professionals. I guess being a successful journalist, heir and most famous closeted gay man allows you to make these calls. Oh, if I was only an heir, I too could be as bold.

God's Work--No Lloyd Blankfein, CEO Goldman Sachs, NOT YOU!

Mr. Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs was qouted just a month ago saying he was just doing God's work as a banker and hence deserving his $43,000,000 for 2009 (no that was not a typo). I would like to say to this BLOW HARD and ARROGANT ASS that he does not do God's work. The great works attributed to God is done everyday by good people who will never see $4,000,000 or $400,000 in all their lives. 

The US troops, the Search and Rescue teams, the firefighters, the medical teams, and yes even the religious organizations, these selfless tireless and incredibly talented people are doing God's work.  I am not a religious nor spiritual man but these people, NOT Lloyd Blankfein, inspire me, and make me want to do better for my family, friends and those that have less fortunate than me.  God's hand is not seen in the disaster or the preventing of the disaster, God's hand is seen in the faces of the people who at great personal risk give of themselves for those less fortunate without a thought for themselves. 

"With a little help from my friends"

I have a very good friend from work, "friend from work" that never usually happens to me.  This name is Tom and he is funny, sincere, brutally honest and the smartest man I have ever met.  I remember the first time we actually spoke other than office pleasantries.  He said to me, "That Hillary Clinton is Satan I tell you" to which I snapped, "Well then that makes me a devil worshiper".  We have been good friends ever since.  He is the 2nd most supportive and encouraging person in my life and I love him dearly.  Being ever so helpful, this is his contribution to my blog;


If we're going to be inundated with the minutia of your daily life you are going to need some express way to communicate. Here are a few shortcuts to get you started:



ICMSTMO!


I cut myself shaving this morning - Ouch!

 NTSWAOOPT


Note to self - we're almost out of paper towels



HHHHIOTWIG


Hi ho hi ho it's off to work I go

 

You know, stuff like that. I'll be happy to help (HTH).


LOLWAOT


Keeping in line with his spirit, TTFN !

Honesty Can Buy You Happiness

Honesty can buy you happiness in the short term and the long term. Almost 20 years ago, I had a client called Mr. S.  He was an old bitter rude man.  Just writing about this reminds me of one of my favorite jokes. "What's 82,105 and 12?  The answer is that they are the measurements of the perfect man; 82 years old, running a 105degree fever and has $12Million in the bank".  Mr. S was 1 out of three, he had about $12Million dollars in the a brokerage account which I managed. Mr. S was outrageous in his demands, he was unreasonable, rude and all in all a most horrible human being.  Although he was aware that I was a struggling father with 2 children and my then wife/mother of my children (whose name I will never mention) had just quit working, he would make me buy him lunch. Mr. S was worth over $12Million in cash and he would make me buy him lunch.  At lunch he would order as if he was Chris Farley and John Candy on some binge eating escapade after coming out of some drug induced coma.  Please note I said, "order"  and not "eat", because he would not eat, he would have it wrapped and take it home with him.  During lunch I heard all about his sexual conquests (yuck!) and the issues with his prostate (yuck yuck!!).

One day he asked me to pick him up and take him to the bank. He had to square away some papers that were in his safety deposit box.  I took him to the bank and he insisted I go with him to the safety box reception area. Once there, he insisted I go with him to get his safety deposit box and since it was the biggest safety deposit box I had ever seen, of course I had to carry it to a private room.  In this room he opened it and hundreds of $100 bills sprung out.  We proceeded to organize them to count.  He made it clear to me that he was unsure how much he had, and that no one in his family knew what he had, as he did not trust them.  Once all the bills were organized and ready to count he excused himself to go to the bathroom, I will never forget his words translated; " This fucking prostate is going to make me pee myself", and with that he was gone.  I was alone with so much cash I got nervous. 

I thought to myself, well now what happens if he comes back and thinks he should have more money?  I knew I could not prove I did not steal the money.  So I then thought WTF, I should take some, he will never ever know, and he will never be able to prove it.  I thought about this so much that I even thought I would hide the money I would steal between my foot and my sock.  Certainly no one would ever see it, I was sure. I proceeded to count the money, it came to $92,000 or $97,000, I cannot remember.   I was sure I could take $3,000 what the heck I could take $30,000 and he would never be the wiser. 

I was so conflicted, he does not need the money I thought.  I would certainly repay him, I said to myself.
Then a moment of clarity came upon me.  Stealing this man's money, even a nickel was dishonest and once you are dishonest you are dishonest forever.  I resolved then and there that I would never take a dime from anyone, regardless how mean or undeserving they were of their good fortune.  I would not taint myself with dishonesty. 

Mr. S returned to the private room after what seemed to be an hour or so, but it was probably 15 minutes.  He asked in gruff voice, "How much money is there young man?".  I told him the exact amount something like "$93,000", I said.  He smiled a very big smile and told me to put the money in the box, "pronto" he barked.  He insisted that we go to one of the most expensive Mexican restaurants in Dallas.  This time he paid for lunch. He then gave me $20 for gas, and as he got out of the car he told me that he liked me because he knew I was honest.  Did he know all along? I was certain he did not know how much cash he had.

From that day until he died, he became a delightful man to work with.  He bought from then on, any and all the bonds I would offer him. The most remarkable part is that he would ask every time about my kids, always insisting that I did not have enough pictures and threatened to buy me a camera.  I spoke to him one day and he started making fun of my Spanish and told me that he would teach me more conversational Spanish.  The next day Mr. S pass away in his sleep. I know my honesty made me happy and I think my honesty made him happy also.

Friends vs. Judges

Friends don't judge and Judges aren't friends.  I was reminded of that statement tonight when after a long day at IKEA my friend Zach said, "No judgements tonight, not a single judgement, agreed?" as we sat down at Sweet Tomatoes for an all you can eat suburban buffet.  Zach was right, friends do not judge. We as friends may not approve or perhaps know better, but friends do not judge friends. 

In my years of  being a "super friend" as Ben calls me,  I can state without hesitation that I am honest, sincere, loyal and  non-judgemental.  Be clear non-judgemental does not mean I approve, it means I am still your friend, and when the situation blows up (as bad situations often do) I will be there to comfort my friend and I never say, "I told you so".  Oh, there are exceptions for sure, breaking the law, hurting people and animals are never tolerated, but my friends do not partake in those activites.  I don't know what I would do if they did, but I know they have not until now.

The man of my dreams, Mark, introduced me to the "Idaho 5000" concept early in our relationship. He had at the time 5 friends he called his Idaho 5000.  Mark told me that these 5 people in his life, he could call or they could call him and all they had to say was; "I am stranded in Idaho and I need $5,000" and he would get them the money, "no questions asked", he said.  Unconditional friendship, WOW!  In a conditional world that is quite a leap of faith for friendship everywhere. 

Then there is Grant, a great guy, a good friend.  Grant had a tough summer, thanks to a bad break-up and to say the least. I stood by him no matter what came.  Grant was the first friend I saw experience what I call the Tsunami of emotions.  I heard all there was to hear, I heard it over and over again.  Then one day, I needed to talk something out.  Let's say Grant had an adverse reaction to the change in roles and our telephone conversation did not end well.  I clearly in the wrong, defriended him on my FB account and we sent each other some tart texts and emails.  This New Year's day after having no contact for almost 4 months, he sent me a text wishing me a great 2010.  Grant followed that text up with a communication to Mark offering to help us move--Friends do not help friends move--but that is another post.  I realized about a week later that enough was enough and that Grant was a great guy and a good friend, and "I" deserved him in my life.  How lucky was I that he reached out to me on two separate occasions.  I could not wait any longer.  I reached out to him and we agreed to meet at Starbucks (where else?) Oh, I guess it took about 20 minutes max and we were laughing at each other, but more importantly laughing at others.  Friends do take leave of absences, those breaks they can be very invigorating and serve to make the friendship stronger.  But if you don't miss the friend, don't reach out, or don't reach back if they reach out to you.

The Beginning

Welcome to my first entry, well into my blog I have made entrances before. You can relax, this blog will not contain nudity, especially mine. This is a blog of my experiences and my knowledge thru my journey as; the son of a hysterically Cuban couple and my brother their only child, the grandson of a grandmother that was more of an Auntie Mame, a straight frat boy, a nearly incompetent Chemical Engineer, devoted suburban husband and father of two, sexually conflicted urban divorced man, a product of successful gay single father of two with full physical and legal custody, recovering both as a Roman Catholic and Republican, devoted domestic partner and financial advisor to 125 great families living in the greatest city, Chicago!



As I blog, as religiously as possible, I hope you will enjoy my humor and learn from my experiences and wisdom, none of which was without pain or cost. As an added bonus, maybe my son and daughter one day can benefit from my advice without having to ask. My domestic partner will always know my great love for him, and how he helped change my world and heal my heart. My friends will know how much I value and love them, whether I approve of their choices or they disapprove of mine. We have an agreement, never say, "I told you so".